In a futile attempt to erase our past, we deprive the community of our healing gift. If we conceal our wounds out of fear and shame, our inner darkness can neither be illuminated nor become a light for others. ~ Brennan Manning (The Cry of the Heart for Intimate Belonging)
Our culture tells us to lean into our strengths, to focus on building where we’re already strong. It conditions us to hide our wounds and weaknesses, instilling fear that these will make us seem unprofessional or unsuited to the tasks we set out to do.
But what if it’s the opposite?
Several months ago, my right knee swelled up. It got to the point where I couldn’t ignore it. A doctor drained the knee, which revealed that it was filled with blood. He told me I had to immobilize my leg.
Rational instinct would have dictated that I get a substitute teacher to teach my weekly yoga classes, but I didn’t want to give them up. I showed up to teach with my leg in the brace. Unable to do the poses with the class, I used the opportunity to hone my verbal cueing skills.
My knee was immobilized for one-month, but that was only the beginning.
Once the brace came off I began the practice of rehabilitating my knee, which had lost all range of motion.
For the next few months, I wore a knee sleeve and still couldn’t bend it much. Gradually, I’ve regained range of motion. Although I’m not fully back to “normal” (and still don’t have a diagnosis of what caused my knee to fill with blood), I am doing much better.
My yoga students have had a front row view of my slow and steady physical rehabilitation, as well as the various emotional ups and downs that have come with it. Rather than try to obscure my challenges, I put them front and center, using them as themes for my classes.
Together, my students and I have discussed the reality of what it means to live in a human body, and what happens internally when those bodies fail us — which they inevitably do.
This wasn’t an easy step to take. For many years, I resisted teaching yoga because I didn’t have “picture perfect” poses. In fact, there are poses I can’t even do. I feared that I wouldn’t be effective, that students wouldn’t want to take my classes if I couldn’t show them a better archetype.
Those fears turned out to be unfounded.
Showing up to teach with my wounds on full display not only didn’t chase my students away — it actually brought them closer. Students related to my struggles, and they felt like I understood their challenges better.
By sharing my challenges honestly, I established greater credibility with my students. They know that they can show up with their injuries and I will help them find a safe path to movement and healing.
They also get to see that healing isn’t a sudden transformation, but a journey with twists and turns.
This experience has taught me that our cultural conditioning is misguided. We establish our credibility through being authentic and real — even if it means being seen in our wounds.
Thanks to AstrologybyLauren.com for the quote that inspired this essay.
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