The Difference Between “Giving Up” and “Letting Go”

A client recently took steps to dissolve her marriage after a long period of separation from her spouse.

Although it was clear that the marriage wasn’t working, she started to rethink her decision when her spouse accused her of “giving up” on him.

Giving up.

In our Western, entrepreneurial, pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps culture, where winners never quit and quitters never win, is there anything more shaming than to accuse someone of giving up?

When my friend shared this, I felt my body contract in shame.

There’s a myth that the most successful people fight to the finish. They drag themselves over the line with their last gasps, however they can get there.

Hold on at all costs.

Honor your commitment.

This is not true. In fact, one of the recognized traits of the most successful people is that they quit things. Often.

Quitting something that you know isn’t working is a sign of strength.

A Shift in Perspective

More to the point in this case: it didn’t sound like my client had “given up” on her spouse or her marriage.

What I heard was that she was releasing herself and her partner from a situation that wasn’t working — that hadn’t worked for a long time.

I reflected to her that from everything she had told me, it sounded like she was letting go.

How would staying in this situation serve them or their children?

My reflection to her was met by a deep silence on the other end of the line.

After a few moments, I could almost hear the weight lifting from her heart, as if she suddenly had permission to breathe again.

I felt my own heart lighten and my breath began to flow with greater ease.

It seemed like a long time before my client finally spoke. She hadn’t considered her situation from this perspective. She said that the shift from “giving up” to “letting go” was exactly what she needed.

The Difference Between Giving Up and Letting Go

Words are powerful. They can be weapons or medicine.

Letting go is not the same as giving up.

When we give up on something, we essentially admit defeat. We resign ourselves to a sense of powerlessness. It feels forced upon us, like we just couldn’t do it.

On the other hand, letting go is an intentional decision to release something that no longer serves us. The decision to let go comes from a place of empowerment.

It’s Not Just Semantics

This isn’t just about semantics.

Words create vibrations in the body; they create physiological effects.

For me, giving up often lands as shame: a full-body contraction that makes me want to hide.

Letting go or releasing feels like I’m lifting a weight that allows me to breathe.

My embodied experience is completely different.

Letting go creates space for opportunity and possibility. For life.

Try it on for yourself. If you pay attention — if you attune yourself to your physiological reaction — you might notice a difference in how these words land for you.