Throughout the current Venus retrograde, I’ve been digging deep into my challenges with visibility.
Through my experiments and experiences, I’ve discovered that when I’m in pain, the thing that I avoid the most — visibility — is one of the things that almost always reduces my pain or even makes it go away entirely.
Ah, the irony.
My personal experiment is a sample size of one, and my experiments are still in process, but here are some of the nuances that I’ve discovered so far about the five types of visibility that help reduce or eliminate pain, and my hypotheses for why they work.
As crazy as this may sound, there’s actually some science to support this. If you’re in pain, it might be worth testing this for yourself.
(1) Being Witnessed in My Pain
I often have the story that pain means something is wrong.
So you might imagine what happens when I feel an acute pain when I’m in the middle of a workout or just after a workout.
A sharp sensation in my back while I’m deadlifting might cause me to immediately freeze. The moment I feel discomfort in a squat, I stop moving.
Even though I know causation is complicated, and that the source of sensation is not the cause, this story can be hard to shake.
I’ve come to see pain as a part of me that has long been buried, that simply wants a voice — a seat at the table. It wants to be seen and heard. Acknowledged.
One way I do this is by telling my PT about the pain, as a way to give it a voice outside myself.
When my pain is dismissed, or unacknowledged, it tends to intensify.
On the other hand, when I feel it is received with compassion, it helps me turn my focus to something else. Getting it off my chest, having someone else witness it, frees up space.
Sometimes my PT will even normalize it for me, and this can have a significant analgesic effect. For example, he might point out that my back is hurting because I am working my back and strengthening it. This helps me reframe the sensation and relaxes my hyper-vigilance.
Why does this work?
Research has shown that having a listening partner can help resolve chronic pain.
If a patient felt heard when discussing their pain, it might provide more space for them to explore discussing that which brings them joy. When patients have the time and space to process the pain below the surface, they can feel safe in rising to the surface where “fine” actually lives.
(2) Feeling Seen and Heard Beyond My Pain
What’s more surprising to me is that feeling seen and heard on topics that seem completely unrelated to the pain also help dissolve the pain.
In my sessions with my PT, sometimes I tell him about upcoming astrology transits between sets of heavy lifts. I’ve found that using my “rest time” between sets to educate another person on something completely unrelated to weightlifting gives my brain the break it needs and helps infuse me with confidence that translates into the lift.
On days when he isn’t receptive to listening, I’ve struggled to complete lifts that I’ve done before. And when he listens, not only do I lift better, but also whatever pain I might be feeling goes away.
Outside of the gym, engaging in any stimulating conversation usually has a positive impact on my pain sensation.
Why does this work?
It all comes down to dopamine. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter and hormone created in the body. It’s been shown to boost memory, cognition, and mood. It also has an analgesic effect.
I know that my dopamine is already low, as this is a condition of ADHD. Low dopamine has been linked to low motivation, depression, and memory issues. It also exacerbates pain signals.
Engaging in conversations about topics that I find interesting and exiting — whether I’m teaching or learning — triggers dopamine. In addition, when I’m teaching or sharing my insights, it’s a boost of confidence, which also triggers dopamine.
And in these conversations I’m also nurturing connection, another natural source of dopamine.
(3) and (4) Sharing my Work and Feeling in Service to Other People
These are two separate categories but they often feel very linked. After all, the work I create has little value and meaning to me if it’s not serving other people.
No matter how much pain I’m feeling on any given day, I’ve noticed that it tends to dissipate when I’m working with clients or otherwise acting in service to others.
Likewise, when I share my work and ideas, I feel better. My pain seems to magically go away.
The key here is that there must be proximity. When I can’t see the impact of my work or efforts, or how they are received, there’s little impact on my pain.
For this reason, when I’m feeling pain, writing and publishing an essay online doesn’t do much to resolve it.
On the other hand, participating in a class and sharing something that helps people, or hearing from people that my work has helped them in some way, all seem to provide soothing to my nervous system.
Why does this work?
Probably a few things going on here.
First, it’s as simple as “where focus goes, energy flows.” When I get out of my own head and turn to helping another person, I shift my focus away from the pain in my physical body.
There’s also a dopamine factor. Dopamine is known as the “reward chemical.” Seeing or hearing about the impact of my work feels like a reward, triggering dopamine.
(5) Using My Body in My Work
I have noticed that when I teach yoga classes or offer Reiki healing, my pain dissipates. The more I’m able to use my body in my work, the better it feels.
Why does this work?
What these experiences have in common is that I’m both using my body and I’m in service to others.
Movement is often touted as a cure for pain, and it’s true that movement can help. But I’ve also found that sometimes when I’m in a lot of pain, movement can make it worse if I’m engaging in a physical practice on my own.
Doing movement in community with others — bringing in the visibility aspect — is an essential factor for dissipating my pain.
In addition, facilitating healing for others helps me find positive meaning and purpose in a body that I have often viewed as a failure. I am using my body in a way that feels positive, generative, and healing, instead of beating it up for what it fails to do for me.
There is also the aspect of service here. Helping others ease their pain helps me ease my pain.
Both feeling in service and the movement involved also may trigger dopamine.
The Common Thread
What all the situations have in common is that I’m having a shared experience with at least one other person. There is proximity, connection, communication, compassion, and finding confidence in myself.
Science might show that all of these things are triggers for dopamine, which tends to be depleted or low in people with ADHD. Dopamine has been shown to be an analgesic.
Until the science catches up, here is what I know:
Healing happens in community. Where there is communication, connection, and compassion, pain cannot survive.
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