Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer. — Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet
I have spent most of the past year dealing with medical issues that started with unexplained swelling in my right knee. Except it turned out not to be swelling, but blood that pooled in the knee.
In my 20s, I had been diagnosed with a bleeding disorder called Von Willenbrand’s Disease. This diagnoses influenced my treatment, and the original doctor immobilized my knee for a month out of caution. But the initial treatments didn’t work.
Finally, after 4 aspirations, the bleeding issue suddenly seemed to resolve.
In the meantime, I saw other specialists to get to the root of the issue. After several blood tests, it was confirmed that I do not, in fact, have Von Willenbrands — or any other condition that would explain profuse bleeding into a joint that lasted for months.
This “scientific fact” that I knew about myself turned out to be incorrect. Fake news. Disinformation. A lie.
From an objective, detached perspective, the fact that all the tests returned “normal” should be encouraging.
But rather than soothing my concerns, the experience has left me with more questions than answers.
If I don’t have this bleeding disorder, what explains the issue with my knee and other bleeding issues I had in the past?
What if the things you think you know about yourself aren’t true?
This type of confusion is the archetypal expression of the Sun’s square to Neptune.
Sun Square Neptune: The Disillusion of Ego
On its way out of Sagittarius, the Sun forms its exact square to Neptune in Pisces. This is a completion of the aspect that was baked into the Sagittarius new moon.
In the abstract, Sun square Neptune is a regular recurrence; it happens twice a year. But, this one is noteworthy, as it marks a turning point.
Both planets are at the final degree of their respective signs. Sagittarius and Pisces are both mutable signs, marking the transition to a new season. Something is coming to a close here.
This is the last time Sun will square Neptune from Sagittarius to Pisces. Neptune has been in Pisces since 2012, and in January, Neptune will leave for good and move into Aries. It will not to return to Pisces in our lifetimes.
So this final square from Sun in Sagittarius to Neptune in Pisces marks the final crisis of consciousness in the friction between an ego that seeks adventure and wisdom, and the forces that create illusions, disillusion, and disinformation.
Sun in Sagittarius has big dreams, it is on a vision quest, it has ideals, higher aspirations, a sense of purpose and mission. The square to Neptune creates confusion about what it knows.
- Is that purpose fueled by misguided beliefs or outright lies?
- Have you formed a self-view or a world-view based on deceptions, disinformation, or trickery?
- What if everything you thought you knew about yourself turns out to be a lie?
Fake news and disinformation aren’t new concepts. Illusion and delusion have always shaped our experience and our beliefs about ourselves and others.
Confusion is part of the process of growth. If you had no doubts, no questions, no moments of resistance or fear or skepticism, reaching your end point wouldn’t be nearly as fulfilling.
This is a moment to consider who you’d be if you didn’t have preconceived notions of who you are or who you are supposed to be.
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