what’s in a number?
how many will be enough?
which metrics matter?
This is my 1,650th blog post.
1,650.
One thousand. Six hundred and Fifty.
That is a lot of blog posts. Something about round numbers tends to pull my attention.
Why is this a big deal? It’s not. And yet it is.
And also very different.
This latest 150 has been the most difficult stretch since I started publishing daily.
Lately I’ve been considering quitting.
There are days when I am churning in thoughts, but words don’t flow. Sometimes I feel like I’ve lost the meaning and purpose I once felt in this.
I wonder, why am I doing this?
To share ideas. To express myself. To build a community. To create a legacy.
Are any of these things happening?
Not really.
So I have lately been feeling into whether it’s time to let it go. To quit. To move on to something else. Something that can serve me better and maybe serve others better too.
And yet I don’t want to quit.
Quitting doesn’t feel like the right solution.
I know that when I get frustrated, when I start to churn the thoughts and ideas or spin in self-doubt it’s because I am caught up in an attachment to an outcome.
I am expecting this to be something more. To deliver a result. Monetization. Fame. Rewards. All the things I read about others receiving.
In those moments, when I remember, I try to step back and remind myself: that’s not what this is.
This is a place, first and foremost, for my expression.
Do I wish this to serve? Yes. Absolutely.
But — and — I know that whether it serves is not up to me.
I have no way to predict what will serve and how. Who stumbles upon something and finds it helpful is out of my control.
It’s my job simply to show up.
This is a place for process, not product. It’s where I show my work, document my evolution, explore my creativity.
This is the journey. Ever changing, a winding road, filled with detours and circling back around.
It’s an exploration. There’s no where to get to. No destination.
It’s not quantifiable. Definitely not linear.
I’ve arrived with it where I am. And I’m continuing to arrive with it.
I still have things to share. Many of them written, not yet published.
I’m not ready to give up on this project. On myself. On my expression. On the vision.
Every so often I come across something I’ve written here and find the wisdom in it. I sometimes wonder how it got here. Those moments are magic. They remind me that what’s here is not going anywhere. If I can find it and feel inspired then so can others. And that it a reason to keep sharing my work here.
Maybe the thing I need to let go is my expectation for what I think this should be. And the rules I have for what I believe it should look like, or the topics I believe I should or shouldn’t cover.
Let it be what it is:
A place for expression, exploration, and experiments. A map of my evolution.
find value right here
not in some future result
but in the process
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