I can’t remember a time in my life when I didn’t feel awkward.
Growing up, I was taller than all of my peers. In every photo, I stand out: tall and skinny, with limbs that I couldn’t seem to control. My appearance always pulled focus in a way that made me uncomfortable.
Human beings evolved by finding the path of safety. We are hard-wired to seek belonging, community, and connection as a path to survival.
To stand out in your difference is to risk being ostracized and outcast from the group. In ancient times, to be cast out from society was a form of punishment reserved for the most severe infractions.
It seems easier to find belonging if we fit in, even if that means shutting a part of ourselves down.
This is what I did.
Shrinking the Outside Shrinks the Inside
To avoid standing out, I made myself smaller by hunching over, stooping down, and rounding my shoulders.
Those postural adjustments don’t affect only surface appearance.
By shrinking my physical frame, I made myself smaller on the inside too.
Instead of claiming the parts of myself that were talented or brilliant in unconventional ways, I worked hard to develop more conventionally acceptable talents and skills. I learned to suppress my intense emotions to avoid being “too much.” I followed a traditional, respectable career path that was expected of me even though it wasn’t what I wanted to do.
Sometimes it seems that by trying to fit in, I dimmed the awkward and unmanageable parts of myself until only the “acceptable” parts of me came through.
Fading Out to Fit In
But where does “fitting in” cross over into fading in?
If we attain belonging within a group by suppressing our distinctiveness, and shunning certain parts of ourselves, have we truly found belonging?
Is the acceptance we receive from others truly real if it is predicated on our misrepresentation of who we are, and on our own reluctance to accept those parts of ourselves that we keep hidden?
If we don’t accept all of our parts, if we don’t bring our full self to the group, others cannot know us and accept us for who we are, and we can’t hope to find true belonging.
Full Moon in Leo: Stand Out to Fit In
The full moon in Leo (February 1, 2026, 5:09 pm ET, 13º03’ Leo/Aquarius) invites us to embrace even our weirdest or most divergent parts and step into our light.
At the full moon, the moon in Leo is directly opposing the Sun in Aquarius.
Every pair of opposing signs embodies an archetypal tension. The tension of the Leo/Aquarius axis is about individualism vs tribalism. Leo is the sign of the performer and the individual, while Aquarius is the sign of the collective.
Leo is ruled by the Sun. Leo season corresponds to the peak of summer in the Northern Hemisphere. In this season, the Sun’s warmth and energizing nature command attention. It takes center stage; its brightness and light steal the show.
Aquarius is the sign of the Sun’s detriment. This season marks the heart of winter, when the Sun is at its lowest and weakest, barely able to make an impact on a frigid day. Our ancestors survived the harsh winters through the warmth of the community. Aquarius is the sign of the collective, where the self (the archetype of the Sun), is subdued for the sake of belonging.
The Sun represents our vitality and ego and the mainstream path, while Aquarius is about not conforming to the dominating forces, doing things in a way that is different from the mainstream.
The Moon represents our inner desires. In Leo, it invites us to rediscover our sense of self, to reconnect with an inner courage that we may have buried in order to conform. This Full Moon asks us to consider what might be interfering with the process of stepping into our own light and embracing our full selves.
All polarities are resolved by finding the one in the other: the Yin in the Yang, the feminine in the masculine, activity within rest.
Resolving the Leo/Aquarius polarity requires recognizing that the only way to find your tribe is to reveal the parts of you that you try to hide, to claim your bigness, brightness, and brilliance.
In order to find belonging, you must be willing to be seen in your light and your truth.
This full moon invites us to harness our inner courage to be seen.
No matter how unconventional or weird you believe you are, there are others like you. But you’ll only find them if you’re willing to show up in your light, to shine in all of your parts, and to be seen as you are.
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