America is Polarized. That’s Not The Problem.

As I write this, the outcome of the US Election is still unresolved.

Regardless of who wins, it’s clear that Americans are more divided than ever — polarized is the buzzword of the moment. But polarization is not the real problem. It’s the effect, not the cause.

The real problem is that Americans are seeing vastly different realities.

What You Look At vs What You See

Look at this image. What do you see?

Some people see a duck, while others see a rabbit. If you see a duck, look at the image and think of the duck’s beak as rabbit ears. If you see a rabbit, think of the rabbit’s ear’s as a duck’s beak.

Or look at this one, what do you see?

If you see a young woman, look at her chin and think of it as a large nose, and look at her ear and think of it as an eye. Her nose becomes a wart on the old woman’s nose. The black line at her neck is a mouth. The woman is looking down slightly.

If you see an old woman, look at her nose and think of it as the left cheek of a face looking away from you. Here eye is an ear. The wart on her nose is a nose.

Now, imagine if you were looking at either of these images with another person. Imagine you could only see one of the images, and they could only see the other.

You’re looking at the same image, but you’re not seeing the same thing.

This is America right now.

We Don’t All See The Same Image

The common line that America is divided and polarized doesn’t capture what’s actually happening. The polarization is the effect of the problem, not the cause.

The problem is that people are living in different realities. We are looking at the same image but seeing different things.

What we see is shaped by the information we receive through our other senses. This information includes various stimulants in our environment, especially news.

The news you see is different from the news that your neighbor sees, especially if your neighbor favors the other candidate.

This was true four years ago, and it’s even more true today.

Why It’s Hard to Convince The Other Side

Trying to show the other side what you’re looking at doesn’t work when they can’t see it the way you see it, and when they’re not even willing to try.

Why wouldn’t they be willing to try?

A fundamental principle of human behavior is that we are more motivated to avoid pain than to seek pleasure.

This is also known as loss aversion. People will fight harder to cling to what they have than to get what they don’t have.

For many people, being asked to see the other image is equivalent to being asked to let go of the image they see. This invites resistance and fear of loss.

They see the proposition as either/or:

• either it’s the duck or the rabbit.
• either it’s the old woman or the young woman.

They see life as a zero-sum game.

If you are right, then I’m wrong. If you win, I lose.

This is happening on both sides of the aisle.

Polarity is an Illusion

Something to consider: polarity is an illusion. Each contains the other. Light contains darkness, darkness contains light.

In the images above, both images exist at the same time. It’s not either/or. It’s both/and.

The ability to see both images at the same time is a skill that requires practice.

But first, it requires safety.

If someone can’t see the other image, no amount of forcing or name-calling is going to change things.

They won’t see the other image if they’re unwilling to loosen their grip on the image they do see. And they can’t loosen their grip if they feel unsafe to do so.

The first step is to help them hold space for the possibility of both/and.

Once you are willing to loosen our grip on the image you do see, the shift to see the other image is smaller than you might think. Sometimes a slight tilt of the head is all you need to bring the other image into focus.