It’s the modern-day F-bomb: FEAR.
We tend to speak about fear like it’s a virus that needs to be eradicated from the planet. We deem it acceptable for discussion only if we are talking about how to eliminate it. Otherwise, we are supposed to pretend it doesn’t exist.
I’ve noticed that our culture tends to offer three approaches to fear.
Ignore It
Most of the time it seems that we are being conditioned not to acknowledge our fears in the first place. To admit fear is to admit a weakness. And people who are weak don’t survive.
So maybe we have a fear around taking a certain action, or we fear the consequence of taking that action, but instead of admitting this fear we learn to present a more socially acceptable reason—a story—for not taking action. We tell this story to ourselves and others until we believe, in our core, that this is a factual representation of our experience.
The story we tell becomes our reality.
It is real, but not true.
Eventually the truth will surface and remind you of your fear. You can’t ignore it forever.
Conquer It
If you’ve been conditioned as a “high achiever,” you are likely familiar with the advice that the best way to handle a fear is, simply, to do the thing that you are afraid of doing.
This approach is rooted in the masculine energy of doing.
Consider the words and metaphors used in this type of advice:
Warriors. Conquer. Crush. Tackle. Charge forward. Mind over matter. And, the most masculine of all: “balls to the wall.”
(Which, I imagine is not a pleasant experience….Just sayin’)
This approach is predicated on a myth that once you do the thing you fear one time, the fear will go away forever.
Melt It
Many people posit that the two antidotes to fear are love and gratitude. “Be love” and you will cancel out the fear. Connect with your gratitude and reflect on the blessings in your life and the fear will magically melt away.
This approach relies more on the feminine energy of being. It’s less about pushing through the fear by doing, and more about being in a state of love and gratitude as a counter to the fear.
It also rests on the theory that we cannot simultaneously feel fear and gratitude or fear and love.
This is complete bullshit. #SorryNotSorry.
The truth—at least, my truth—is that real fear cannot be magically dissipated by mindsets of gratitude or love. In fact, I would offer that one of the key factors differentiating humans from other species is our capacity to experience multiple emotions at the same time. Fear can co-exist with gratitude or love. We can even experience all three emotions simultaneously. (I know!)
An Alternate Approach
A certain amount of fear is healthy. Fear is how our mind and body communicate that we may be in danger. Fear exists to keep us safe. When we try to ignore or eliminate fear we are doing ourselves a disservice.
We need a new approach to fear.
Embrace It
In the twelve years that I have been doing flying trapeze, I’ve experienced many moments of fear while standing on the platform and preparing to execute a skill or do a trick. I’ve observed hundreds of other flyers in the same position: standing on a ledge, 25 feet up in the air, poised to take a leap into an unknown experience.
My personal experience, and what I’ve witnessed, has been that in this situation, ignoring your fear is not an option. It’s there, and you can’t hide from it. In that moment, you can be grateful for a million blessings in your life, and you can “be love” all you want, but neither love nor gratitude is getting you to jump off the platform and into the air.
If you want to experience the magic of flight, you must learn to how to leap into the thing that you fear.
And you should know that doing it one time will not magically eradicate the fear. You must keep climbing the ladder and standing on the ledge and reaching out for the bar and taking the leap. Over and over and over. Eventually, the fear will begin to dissipate, and you will get more comfortable. And then you will add a new skill or a new trick and push yourself further, and the big fear will roar back.
The fear is there to keep you safe. The key is not to let it paralyze you.
The magic of flight happens when you leap. Leaping into the unknown can be scary and dangerous, and the fear reminds you to respect what you’re doing.
Fear is not the enemy. It’s just a messenger. Yes, it may be warning us of possible danger, but it also tells us that we are alive. It reminds us that what we are about to do matters.
So, embrace your fear. And fly.
What’s possible for you in your life when you decide to embrace one of the fears that’s been holding you back?
Love it? Hate it? What do you think? Don't hold back...