Habits are sneaky. Especially those that keep us from our intentions.
I’ve been working on creating video content, which has involved learning various editing skills.
For several hours of my afternoon, I fell down a rabbit hole of re-editing videos I had previously edited.
It wasn’t until I was on a virtual group call and the topic of perfectionism came up that I realized where I had been focusing my attention.
Ironically I had just written an essay in which I mentioned that one of the lessons of Aries season was to take decisive, imperfect action.
And here I was, caught up in perfectionism. In this case, the perfectionism was triggered by indecision, as it often is.
I’ve been editing and compiling videos for the past few months, but not yet sharing them on my social channels. I have been indecisive about how to position and tell a story I want to share.
Instead of making a bold decision about where to start, it was easier to stay busy and in the “preparation” stage by focusing my attention on the details that really won’t make a big difference in the bigger picture.
To be clear, I could call this “skill development.” And there would be some truth to that. I was working on my editing skills and applying what I have learned to videos I produced at the start of this project.
AND… that would be disingenuous. I know that those videos are already good enough to share. They were good enough five months ago, as I originally created them.
In fact, if I had been sharing the videos over the past five months as I have created them, the story would have been unfolding in real time and I wouldn’t have so much overwhelm and indecision about how to position the story.
My desire to control the narrative led to a backlog of content, which led to overwhelm, which led to perfectionism, which created more work for me, and which has kept me from actually sharing the work.
And this project is so great. I know it will really serve so many people especially if I get out of its way and allow it to speak for itself without trying to control how it is presented and how it is received. Of course, I can’t even control how it is received.
This is the type of resistance behavior I call out in my clients, so it only seems fair to call it out in myself.
It’s also a great reminder that even when we can see these patterns in people around us, sometimes we need the mirror of our collectives and communities to see it in ourselves.
This is a common experience: most of us procrastinate by getting caught in the web of overwhelm, control, and perfectionism.
The more we can call it out publicly, the less shame we hold around it.
Aries season helps us pull focus to these patterns. It’s a reminder to take imperfect, decisive action, to let go of control and allow the story to unfold as it wants to unfold.