The referee who made the controversial call late in the game is an easy scapegoat for our team’s loss.
If only the ref hadn’t made that call, our team would have had a chance to score for the win.
The truth is harder to admit:
If only we had taken advantage of other opportunities during the game, that late call wouldn’t have made a difference.
Games are rarely won or lost based on one call. If the late call made such an impact, it means the team didn’t do their job earlier in the game.
It’s the same thing as blaming the traffic for being late. If you had left enough time, you could have planned for the traffic.
Whether on the field or in life, it can be difficult to look back at what we could have done differently to put ourselves in a better position.
Every life situation has its version of the referee who made the late call.
The traffic that made us late. The uncooperative child or unsupportive spouse. The antagonist who gets in our way that stops us from moving forward on a business venture. The obligations that prevent us from working out. The demands on our time that keep us from creating the space we need for our own self-care.
It’s easier to blame an outside force than to do the work of honest self-reflection.
Honest self-reflection is hard. It can bring up regret, guilt, and even shame.
Perhaps we made careless mistakes even though we knew better. Perhaps we acted against our own interests. We may have acted in a way that wasn’t aligned with our values. Maybe we didn’t see the opportunity, or we saw it and failed to act. We said yes when we meant to say no.
Blame is a vehicle through which we deflect our shame and escape the pain of confronting it head-on.
It’s also a subtle way of disempowering ourselves.
If our loss or failure was due to the actions of a third party, it means that there’s nothing we could have done to achieve a different outcome.
This absolves us of the responsibility to change. It also removes our agency to create a different outcome next time.
Taking ownership gives us agency. When we accept responsibility, we empower ourselves to make a different decision next time.
Love it? Hate it? What do you think? Don't hold back...