If I Weren’t Living It, I Might Not Believe It
Six weeks ago today, I left Los Angeles after volunteering on the crew for Tony Robbins Unleash the Power Within and travelled to La Jolla Village in San Diego to stay for a few nights before heading to the Global Influence Summit in Mission Bay.
I had no place to stay in San Diego. I posted a message in our Tony Robbins Crew group chat, asking if anyone who lived in San Diego had a spare bed or couch I could crash on for a few nights. The TR Crew community attracts the most generous souls — it’s a community driven by service. A generous woman named Nancy offered a spare bedroom.
Nancy lives in La Jolla Village.
And so began my relationship with La Jolla, a village that shuts down by 10 pm each night.
Following the Signs to Nourishment
On my first day in town, I scoped out the local yoga studios and healthy places to eat. Walking down Giraurd Avenue, one of the main streets in town, I noticed a chalkboard sign that called me closer.
I stepped into the building and saw a sign for Trilogy Sanctuary, a yoga studio with organic vegan cafe on the penthouse level. The menu was posted in the lobby, but it really didn’t matter what the cafe served.
Also posted in the lobby was a flyer listing upcoming events at the Sanctuary. As soon as I got a glimpse of it I knew I had to go upstairs. This place had the nourishment I was seeking.
Items of note: a full moon gathering that week, a Yin Yoga teacher training at the end of March, aerial yoga workshops, and a mala-making class. This was a community.
I immediately thought about how I’d love to take that Yin teacher training, but the end of March still felt far off and I expected to be long gone from San Diego by then.
I ate three meals at Trilogy Cafe that week before experiencing my first yoga class there. A yin yoga class, naturally.
By the time I left La Jolla for Mission Bay that Thursday, I had heard the calling to change my plans. My original plan had been to stay in Mission Bay until Tuesday. Instead, I returned to La Jolla on Sunday evening so I could spend more time exploring.
A New Journey Begins
Five weeks ago. The last Monday night in March. Eager to get back on the mat after a three day conference. I booked a spot in the Monday evening Yinki class at Trilogy Sanctuary in La Jolla, taught by Kristi Kuttner. Yinki is a blend of Yin and Reiki.
At the start of class, Kristi walked around with a deck of oracle cards and offered them to each person to pick a card.
The card I selected:
Butterfly Maiden: Transformation.
I laughed out loud.
The Butterfly Maiden is a Hopi Native American goddess who is a harbinger and guide through change. She comes to guide us through the cycle of birth, death, and rebirth. Part of this process is that we must allow old parts of our life to fall away to create space for the newness we desire. The caterpillar dies to give birth to the butterfly.
It seemed fitting to pull this on the heels of the Global Influence Summit, which is a conference for transformational leaders.
I learned that Kristi and Kelli Martin, who co-host the podcast Spirit Made Us Do It, were were teaching the Yin Yoga teacher training that had caught my attention. The training suddenly wasn’t so far in the future — it was coming up that weekend.
Unfortunately, I also learned that it was already completely booked, with no wait list.
Doors Opened. I Walked Through.
Meanwhile, one thing led to another. Plans shifted.
I kept extending my stay. One way or another, I found myself at Trilogy almost daily, either for a yin yoga class or to eat a nourishing meal.
On Friday, still in town, I pulled up the Trilogy app to check the schedule for yoga classes.
For some reason, I found myself checking the schedule for the teacher trainings, even though I knew that the Yin teacher training was sold out.
The time was 5:10 pm. The Yin teacher training started at 5:30. And suddenly, a spot was open. The app seemed to invite me to register, where it hadn’t before.
Almost afraid to believe it, I raced down the block to the studio. I asked if it was real. The person at reception didn’t even know. I signed up through the app and I was in. Five minutes before it started. It turned out someone had gotten ill and pulled out.
I was listening. A door opened. I walked through.
I spent that weekend immersed in the study and practice of Yin yoga.
I emerged with new friends, a deeper connection to myself, and my Yin teacher certificate.
Surrendering to Trust
By the end of that weekend I had doubled down on my listening tour. I surrendered to trust in the greater power that organizes the universe.
When I heard the calling to extend my stay further, I didn’t even look for a rational reason. I just listened and acted.
The next weekend, thanks to a tip from a friend I made in Yin teacher training, I spent the weekend immersed in deepening my energy practice and learning Reiki from Lizzie Rose.
I emerged with a deeper connection to my intuitive gifts, the realization that I am a natural healer, and my Reiki Level 2 Practitioner certificate.
I was prepared to leave La Jolla after Reiki training, but plans changed again.
By the time I left La Jolla for Malibu I had spent 19 days at the quaint Inn by the Sea. I spent 17 of those nights in the same bed — the longest I’ve spent in any one room so far this year.
Not My Plan
My plan was to spend a few days with my friend in Malibu and return to New York for Passover by mid-week.
Not My Plan. I say it so often that it seems to have become my default mantra for the year.
I decided to stay on the west coast for Passover. After a week in Malibu, I experienced my own version of an exodus on the first day of Passover.
I didn’t panic.
At every turn over the past six weeks, doors have opened for me when I needed them to. I never waivered in my trust that things would work out, which they did.
After a night in Century City, I settled in Venice/Santa Monica for a week, having success in my first two experiences with AirBnB.
Living My Vision
On Saturday morning, as I walked the two miles along the beach from my AirBnB to Trapeze School New York’s LA location at the Santa Monica Pier, I found myself flooded with gratitude. For four years, I had nurtured a vision of what I wanted from my ideal living situation. I had three criteria: a walkable area, by the beach, with proximity to a trapeze rig.
This was my vision. I was in it.
Returning For More
LA has no shortage of yoga and healing modalities — I attended an amazing sound bath healing — but there’s little yin and restorative on the schedules. I felt consistently out of rhythm. I missed the nourishing cocoon of La Jolla and Trilogy, where I could do a yin yoga class every night of the week. And I knew I had other unfinished business in La Jolla.
For the first time on this journey, I went back to a place.
La Jolla, on the surface, doesn’t appear to be my vibe. The village shuts down at 10 pm. I’m a night owl and an early bird. I often get my second wind at 10 pm. And yet there’s something about it that just pulls me in.
I arrived back in La Jolla late Sunday night.
As the Lyft driver drove me from the train station into the village, I found myself excited about getting a juice at Nekter to start my day on Monday, about seeing Carlos to work on my exercises, and about returning to Trilogy.
Before going to sleep in my twenty-third bed of 2019, I went online to book a spot in Kristi’s Yinki class.
The Full-Circle Moment
The moment I entered Trilogy Sanctuary this evening, I felt like I was back at home.
The moon room was packed full of yoga mats for Yinki class, but two students cheerfully moved their mats to the side to create space for me to settle in. Kristi greeted me with a warm hug and offered me the now-familiar oracle cards, fanned out face down in her hand. I scanned my hand over the deck, and pulled one from underneath a clump.
I turned it over to look at the card I pulled. Do I even need to tell you what it was?
Butterlfly Maiden: Transformation.
I could not make this up.
The spirit of rebirth is particularly top of mind as I approach my birthday — one week from today.
If You’re Rolling Your Eyes Right Now, I Get It
By the way, if you’re rolling your eyes right now, first — thank you for reading this far.
And … the fact that you’re still reading shows me that you want to believe in magic and miracles and synchronicity.
You want to believe that this is all possible. That doors open. That people show up. That things click into place.
You want to believe, but you don’t. You can’t.
Because the world tells you, that’s not how things work.
The world tells you that you can’t believe things that don’t have scientific proof.
You need to believe you’re in control, because otherwise things would fall apart.
But you’re reading this because you want to believe.
If this is the first thing you’ve ever read from me, let me tell you: I get it.
In my former life I was a corporate lawyer. I didn’t believe in anything that didn’t have science attached.
Show me the evidence. Prove it.
I’ve spent the better part of the past decade wanting, desperately, to believe in the things I felt in my heart were true, that I knew in my bones were true, but that my head told me couldn’t be real.
I wanted to trust myself, my intuition, the “inner guides” that other people spoke of with reverence.
Learn to Fly
If my journey over the past sixteen years, and especially over the past seven months, has taught me anything, it is this: the “prove it” mindset will limit your experiences. It will limit what you get out of life. And it will limit how you give and how you serve, because it will cut you off from others.
Sixteen years ago, I started to learn how to fly on the trapeze. That’s when I started to understand that the impossible is possible, if we believe.
If you can’t trust yourself and your inner wisdom and the workings of the universe, you’ll remain closed to everyone and everything that is magic in this world.
Magic is real. Miracles happen. Life is not linear. We are not in control.
There is a plan. It is not my plan. It is not your plan.
The more I surrender to this, the more fully I get to experience life and the more I see all the miraclulous wonders of the universe.
We are not intended to be confined to our cocoons forever. We are spirits in physical bodies, placed here for a reason and a purpose. Butterflies bring beauty and color to each place they go. That is what we are here to do.
Not everything in life can be explained by rationalizations. Some things are just the magic of synchronicity.
Miracles in action. You’ve experienced it somewhere. Give yourself permission to experience it again.
Open your heart. Spread your wings. Fly.