Awareness creates choice. And in that choice we find the freedom to rise above.After years of doing my year-end reflection process for groups at the invitation of others, today I’m calling my first circle for a group of women in my apartment. The inner work to get here was huge.
This is when the test comes
I’ve learned that in the moments when you are about to step into your higher self, you can always expect that the universe will send you something to “test” your resolve. It will try to shake your confidence.
That’s what mothers are for, I suppose. And my mother delivers like the postal service.
She sent me a message and then she acted before allowing me a chance to respond.
Why bother asking, if you’re going to do the thing anyway?
She has done this before. I’ve asked her not to do it. So I was annoyed. If she paid attention — if she listened, if she heard me — she wouldn’t have had to ask.
I felt unheard and unseen, so I was hurt. Although it surfaced as feeling annoyed. I almost responded with a WhatsApp tirade. But instead of getting caught up in the story of how she doesn’t pay attention, instead of spinning in outrage, I paused. I breathed. I let it go.
I paused long enough to remind myself that her action is one of my triggers. And I recognized that this was happening today because I’m stepping into my higher self.
This is a test of my congruency.
If I reacted to the trigger, then I’d start doubting my ability to show up in my role. I wouldn’t show up in my full presence. I would hold back. And I can’t serve if I’m holding back.
To serve, I must show up in full presence.
What if it’s not a test?
You might say it’s a test. I prefer to think of it as proof. Proof that I can rise above. Proof that I can let go. Proof that I can stay connected to my truth.
Not that it doesn’t bother me. Not that it isn’t annoying. It does. It is.
But I know is she’s not going to change. She doesn’t want to understand or appreciate how certain things she does — even though they may be well-meaning — create complications and add to my challenges.
So I choose to let it go. With compassion. For her and for myself. I appreciate her intent. I appreciate that she felt the urgency to act on something before allowing me time to respond to her question.
It’s that sense of urgency and compulsion that I’ve trained myself to tame in my own life. And it is part of what I teach others.
This is what it is. And because I’m stepping into my expanded role today, this showed up.
So instead of falling into chaos. I get to say: nice try Universe. But you’re not throwing me off again. Not this time. Not this year. I’m here to stay. No more fires. No more CHAOS.
I am CLEAR and CALM.